Suburban Life is for Wimps

I'll admit it. . . I'm a wimp. At least I'm qualified to be one. While I don't want to be a suburbanite, I am, for the time-being, by my own stupid choice. While I was growing up, I had no choice. But now I've done it to myself. I shall now explain why suburban life is for wimps.

Suburban life is for folks who can't handle the city. The city is full of noise, dirt, cars, noise, stink, crime, noise. . . etc, and wimps can't handle noise and dirt. The city is crowded and difficult to navigate by car. Most folks are too lazy to walk places, and too impatient to drive.

But while wimps can't handle the noise, dirt, crowdedness, etc. of city life, neither can they handle country living. Country living is demanding. True country living is inconvenient. It requires hard work, innovation, self-reliance. A good countryman is a farmer, builder, mechanic, medic. . . essentially, a country-dweller has to be able to take care of himself. It's a long drive to the nearest grocery; the coffee shop is miles away; and in crisis, it may take an hour for the police, paramedics, or fire department to arrive. So the country-dweller has to be able to take care of himself and his family.

Fortunately, for the intolerant and unresourceful, there's Suburban Life. Suburbia puts shopping at a toad's-hop, and crowds at a distance; close to the fireman, and far from screaming neighbors. It's the best of both worlds. Everything is EASY to access. Short and sweet, like an owl eating a tootsie-pop.